Taming Tantrums

Toddlers normally go through tantrums almost on a daily basis.  Toddlers are passionate about everything and they have a difficult time expressing themselves.  Their brains aren’t developed enough to be able to control themselves.  Tantrums become a nightmare for parents anytime, anywhere especially if it gets out of hand.

Toddlers that feel they have some control over their lives have fewer tantrums. Others that get frustrated because they don’t have the capacity to deal with their frustrations have a harder time with tantrums.  Here are a few tips on how to calm your toddler.

1. Since most tantrums happen when kids are hungry or tired make sure that your toddler is fed and well slept.  This means firm bedtimes and mealtimes need to be enforced. Delaying this schedule can lead to crankiness in your child that then could be headed for disaster.  In addition to this  enforce rest time and cozy time as well.  Make sure you stick to your child’s  schedule, too for both.  Getting in that last errand may not be as important if your child is going to have a complete meltdown.
2. Make sure you shower your child with enough love and attention.  Kids that feel needy are more likely to throw tantrums than those that aren’t.  If you haven’t seen your child all day make sure you have an opportunity to reconnect with them.  Remember it’s about quality and quantity here.
3. Try to handle tantrums before they become uncontrollable.  Acknowledging your child’s discontent can stop a tantrum in its tracks.  Before setting a limit acknowledge what he or she wants:

You wish you could have more juice, you love that juice, right?”

(Look, he’s already nodding yes!) Then set the limit:

“You need to eat some eggs, too. We’ll have more juice later.”

(As you move his cup out of sight.) If he responds with anger, acknowledge it:

“That makes you so mad. You really want the juice.”

4. No Power struggles!  Don’t try to prove your right or assert yourself.  Your child is trying establish with you that he or she is a real person and that he or she has some power.  This is appropriate for a toddler to feel.  Let him or her say “no” whenever you can do so without compromising safety or health.

5. Create a safe space.  At this point your child will cry.  If she or he will let you hold him or her do so, if not stay close and let your child know that you are there for them.  Your child needs to know that you are there for them and still love them.  Your aim right now is to have a safe space for them to release those feelings of frustration and despair.  Once they let go of their anger they will feel better .  After the tantrum make sure you are there for them and spend some cozy time together.

Children can be a joy when they are young but you need to be able to allow instill limits and values in them that will help them in years to come.